Smile So Much

If you haven’t noticed I am a Jelly Roll fan (If that offends you just move right on outta here)

Some mornings I even listen to Jelly Rolls Newest Album on the way to work instead of my Jesus Boost playlist

one of the songs is called “Smile so much”

Some of the lyrics go like this

With all the hell thrown at me
Lot of people ask me
“How are you so happy?”

If you’d seen all the tears I cried
You would know why I smile so much
Fought the hate I fight
You would know why I try to love
Even when it’s hard
Even when it feels like fallin’ apart
If you’d seen all the tears I cried
You would know why I smile so much

These lyrics I can relate to SO much.

If you were an outsider and looked at me you might think several of the sames things about me. You hear my story and go “I don’t know how she does it” or “How i she not mad at God”

Now, I would be lying if i said I didn’t have a time that I wasn’t mad at God. I did. Right in the beginning of Diagnoses I was angry. Even most people know when I get to heaven the first thing I am asking is why kids get cancer?

Then in Sunday School a couple weeks ago It was my Sunday to teach and we read the passage about the blind since birth man that Jesus makes see. One verse stuck with me

John 9:3 says “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” Jesus Answered. “This came about so the God’s works might be displayed in him.”

Both pieces of this verse stuck with me and both pieces I think are a good answer to why I “Smile So Much”

The Questions I have from the first part are answered by the second.

1. I did not do anything to cause Hudson’s Cancer
   • This is something that I have really struggled with. Was it because I didn’t know I was pregnant? Because I didn’t breast feed? Because I am not married?
   • Are all the comments on my Tiktok page from strangers right?
     • Did I not pray hard enough? Was it my health care choices? Did I not do enough? Did I push for to many test?
2. “God’s work might be displayed in him”
   • Hudson is a living miracle! His Whole story is for the glory of God
   • God was preparing me. I thought for my career but God’s plans were bigger and was preparing me my whole life to be Hudson’s Mom

Which also makes me think of my favorite female in the bible Esther

“For such a time as this”

So why would I not have a reason to give our whole story to God and Smile at the fact that he is using me exactly like he planned the whole time.