My mama used to say, “If I can’t trust you with the little things, how can I ever trust you with the big ones?”

Back then, it was about curfews, chores, and telling the truth about who I was texting. But now? It means so much more.

Lately, that lesson has been echoing in my ears louder than ever.

A few weeks ago, my home church, the place I’ve worshipped, cried, and poured into forgot to write something down. Just a date. A simple calendar entry. A little thing, right?

Except it wasn’t.

That forgotten date was the key part of an event I had worked hard to plan. An event that has happened years in a row. An event that wasn’t just important to me, but to the people I’m trying to serve, to honor, to love well. Because of that slip, I had to scramble to reorganize the entire thing. And while I did it with grace (or at least, I tried), it didn’t come without pain and stress. 

Not because it ruined my event. Not even because I feel like it makes me look silly. 

But because it shook something deeper, trust.

It’s not about perfection. We all fall short. I do. You do. The church does. 

But what I’m learning is this sometimes it’s not the “big betrayals” that hurt trust. Sometimes it’s the little oversights, the things that get brushed off as no big deal. The “oops, we forgot.” The “sorry, we missed that.”

Because if I can’t trust you to write something down how can I trust you to stand beside me when the waters rise? How can I trust you will have my back if something goes wrong? 

If the little things fall through the cracks, how do I believe you’ll be dependable when I need prayer warriors at 2am, or when life breaks wide open and I need more than just a Sunday smile?

The Bible says 

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” – Luke 16:10 (NIV)

This fits perfectly with what my mama told me for years.  

This isn’t about completly about being upset. This is about reflection.

This is about wanting better for the Body of Christ, not because we want to criticize it, but because we love it too much not to.

I still believe in grace. I still believe in second chances. And I still believe in my church. 

But I also believe in integrity, and showing up, especially when it’s “just the little things.”

Because sometimes it’s “just the little things.” That makes the biggest difference. 

Have you ever felt misunderstood… or worse, misrepresented?

There’s a unique kind of heartbreak that comes when someone you love doesn’t just step back but when they believe something about you that isn’t true. Maybe you were accused of something you didn’t do. Maybe your character was questioned. And maybe it wasn’t just someone but, maybe it was family or someone you consider family

That cut that you feel is deeper than words.

But Scripture isn’t silent about this kind of hurt.

Joseph’s story in Genesis is one of trust destroyed by those closest to him. His brothers betrayed him. Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him. His prison time was unfair. Yet, somehow, he kept choosing faithfulness over bitterness.

Genesis 50:20 says:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…”

It’s also can be easy to want to clear your name. To fix it, To shout the truth until someone listens. But sometimes, we’re called to take a quieter road. Not one of weakness—but of strength. One that says, “God knows. And that’s enough—for now.”

Sometimes you just have to let go and let God

Proverbs 19:5 says:

“A false witness will not go unpunished, and whoever pours out lies will not go free.”

But we let God handle that part.

If you’ve walked through something like this, please know that you’re not alone.

And you’re not crazy for still loving people who hurt you.

You’re not crazy for however you feel about the situation. If you feel sad. That’s ok! If you feel mad. That’s ok! If you feel crushed. That’s ok!

God is in the business of healing—especially hearts broken by lies.

Keep going, friend.

Your story doesn’t end in accusation—it ends in redemption and your day will come. Because God knows the truth. He knows your heart and your intentions.

He knows you and he loves you!

With Hudsons birthday and doing my daily post for May I have been thinking a lot of Hudsons whole story and I want to share a few pieces with you 

Pieces from the day he was born and his first few months. 

I didn’t get the golden hour.

No candlelit birth photos. No soft worship music. No perfect latch. No peaceful, dreamy start.

I didn’t get family in the waiting room. No one in the room holding my hand.  No exciting cheers when he was here. 

What I got was a hallway, a stretcher, and the wrong end of a miracle. 

For those that don’t know. I had Hudson without knowing I was pregnant, in a hallways, alone with an EMT, during COVID 

I got formula that didn’t work. Sleepless nights. Spit-up on every outfit. And guilt — not from God, but from the world’s idea of what motherhood should look like.

But here’s what I also got:

I got a baby who smiled at everything.

I got a boy who melted into fuzzy blankets and into my chest like he was made to fit there.

I got a daughter who laid beside her baby brother like it was her mission from birth to love him gently.

And she still does! 

And I got a God who never asked me to be perfect only present.

Motherhood doesn’t require milestones, Pinterest moments, or perfect feeding schedules to be real.

Sometimes it just requires showing up. Holding tight. And loving fiercely, even when nothing makes sense.

I should know this better than anyone.  

Because bonding isn’t built in quiet hospital rooms with clean sheets.

It’s built in messy living rooms, at 3am, in tear-stained sweatshirts, with holy exhaustion and a heart full of just enough.

The Bible says:

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” – Isaiah 66:13

So even though I didn’t get the “Pinterest Pregnancy” 

I got something better. 

A Story of Hope and Success 

A Best friend relationship in my daughter and son 

A Miracle that never stops surprising me. 

Last year before mother’s day my boyfriend asked me what I wanted. All I told him was I want flowers I can use to make floral arrangements. I worked for a florist several years ago and ever since then I love arranging flowers for people, especially as gifts!

So Mother’s day last year he gave me a pink rose bush. He planed in the a huge pot for me and put it right of my front porch.

Fast forward to fall/winter life got in the way and I didn’t get it planted in the ground or covered for winter. I truly thought that was going to be the end of my rose bush.

Fast Forward again to a few weeks ago an 15 buds showed up on my bush and now the have all bloomed and my rose bush is beautiful.

This got me thinking. How many times have we been in a situation when we feel like all hope is lost and there is no coming back from this?

I know I have truly felt that way so many times in my life. One of those being with Hudson’s Cancer diagnoses.

But God is never done.

Our pain has that purpose

In Romans 5:3-5 it says “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

So even when we have a season we aren’t prepared for like my rose bush and winter, God brings us to the other side in full bloom!

What is the first thing you say to someone when something bad happens?

Let me take a wild guess? Is it I’m Sorry and I’m praying for you?

Its not just you. Its all of us.

But, How many times do you say I’m Sorry or I’m Praying for you and actually mean it or act on it?

Think back to the last funeral/visitation you attended or think about the last funeral/visitation you were the family member at. If it was anything like my Nana and Papas you stand along either side of the casket for several hours (with the exception of my Papas where my loving boyfriend found me a stool to sit on because I was pregnant) as people file on at a time down the line shaking hands or hugging saying “I’m Sorry and I’m Praying for you”

By the time you get to the end you are exhausted and emotionally numb.

I’m Sorry to me anymore feels numb, that kinda numb, It has been told to me so may times that It just feels like it doesn’t have a meaning.

Now that isn’t saying that people don’t mean well, but how do you know in the moment if its truthful or just someone saying what they think they should say?

Truth is you don’t

The other day I was getting a pick up at a small business in town, as I was going to leave another women walked in. This women I knew had her whole world shattered just a week prior. So as she walked in I stopped her and said “I know you don’t know who I am but I am sorry and I have been praying for you and your family”

You will never guess what she said to me

Her response is what influenced this whole post

“I know exactly who you are, and I am so sorry”

You see, this was that same week so much crap was going on. Not only had she seen, but in the mist of her grief, she was sorry to me.

Those words she said were HEAVY, the carried so much weight that when I got to my car I completely broke down in tears. A women going through the unimaginable was sorry for what I was going through.

Matthew 15:18 says “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.”

What comes from your mouth comes truly from your heart. So if you are half doing with your words you are half doing with your heart and what you truly mean

Also, I looked in the three versions I use the most (NIV,ESV,NET) and they all use the word defile which lead me to believe that means that word is important

Defile means sully, mar, or spoil.

So it could read “and these things SPOIL them”

Which goes with what I was saying about half doing or not putting in effort.

The women the other day, did not half do her apology.

She knew exactly what she was saying, and said it with her whole heart

Speak with your whole heart. Be the person that goes “I know exactly who you are”

My mom sent me a video of this guy talking about a painting his daughter made. It was of flowers growing out of the dirt. He said that the story behind it was “you threw dirt on me and God made flowers”

The reminds me of how sometimes as humans and Christians we are quick to make assumptions from surface level information.

For example, Imagine you are walking or driving down a road and you see this puppy on a tie out in the back yard. Your first thought might be “The poor dog, they leave him tied up all day” Now Imagine you asked the home owner about their dog and they tell you “He digs holes under the fence and gets out when we are at work. We are trying to keep him safe at home”

Your initial assumption was wrong.

Same for peoples lives.

I remember one time when Hudson and I went to target when he was in treatment. We went for groceries and I over hear a mom say to her child “Stay away from them you might catch what he has”

She made assumptions without knowing the full story, without knowing Hudson has cancer

And obviously cancer isn’t contagious like the flu 🙂

In John 8:7 Jesus says “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

After this is versus 8 one by one they all went away

Durwin Kicker once told my dad when We found out I was pregnant with P “Everyone has sin, Her is just more visible”

I will end with this, Sometimes what you see from someone is surface level. There is always more to someone’s life than what you see.

I am sure most of us if not all of us have counted down to something. Could have been Graduation, Holidays, Milestone events, Maybe someone coming to visit, Going out with friends.

However it also could have been to bad or bittersweet like leaving a job you love either because you left or because your job closed, leaving home, maybe its a doctors appointment you have been dreading going to, maybe its not a set date your counting down to but something you know will come like when someone is on hospice or got a diagnoses that gives a “Time frame” of what time the doctors predict they have left.

Count downs are something that we use a lot. My kids love to use a calendar and count down to birthdays and holidays. I use count downs for a lot of things. Sometimes it gives me a since of time. other times it feels me with dread and anxiety. Just depends what the count down is for. I have several count downs going now between me and my kids.

Halloween, Yaya’s Birthday(My Dad) and Christmas are the main ones right now.

All of these things the good and bad can still be hard to handle.

Imagine for a minute you are Jesus. You know your whole life what is going to happen on Good Friday and at the Cross. Imagine walking into Jerusalem the Sunday before, Knowing what was coming at the end of the week. Imagine being in that garden that night. Imagine knowing that your death is just a few hours away.If I was Jesus it would almost feel like I am counting down the days to my death. What an overwhelming feeling that might be.

I know something I do for any count down is I am a planner. With my anxiety Planning and Preparing for everything I something I have overwhelming issues with. And like Jesus I have been know to ask God “If there is any other way” I have been know to try to convince God to go with my plans, Try to bargin or just flat out tell him hes wrong.

A verse that comes to mind for me is Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”

Even when I plan and prepare for ever situation Its not going to make a difference. Gods plan is always going to be the one that happens. No matter what I am counting down for, No matter what is coming, It is always going to be Gods Plan.

Have the fun count downs. Enjoy them! Just remember the God’s Plan will always come through. Exactly how it should.