If you haven’t seen Grey’s Anatomy this is your spoiler alert warning!

In the episode where Derek Dies he rescues people from a car accident, while doing that he says to the little girl

“Let me feel your wrist Well, you’re not dead. I can feel a pulse in your wrist. You know what that means? It means your heart’s still beating. And you can’t be dead if your heart’s still beating.”

Some people find comfort in a heart beat, new born babies find comfort in there moms heartbeats, some medical parents fall asleep to watching the heartbeat on monitors (*cough cough* Rickie)

But all of this is just a reminder how important a heartbeat is, you are alive, you are a lining testament to God and his power

That’s why God calls us to go out and spread his word!

Matthew 28:18-20 says

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Yes that is the Great Commission

But you telling people about God can be as simple as your own heartbeat, your own story, your families story.

When you don’t know what to do. Feel your wrist , if your heart is beating, tell your story!

Today I was honestly just messing around with the different settings of my blog when I found you have seen how many people and what countries see your posts

I didn’t think anything of it becaue why would it say anything except the US?

Was I Wrong? YES!!

12 different countries with a total of 4,233 views! and the only verse that can even come to mind is the great commission

Matthew 28:19 “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”

Think of how many people have seen and read about my life but more importantly about God and how he impacts my life!

That’s an amazing feeling! I know this isn’t a long post but again its such an amazing feeling!

And about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46

I have been thinking about this moment and about Job recently. Both had so many reasons to believe God had forsaken them.

But what does the work forsaken even mean, well according to the webster dictionary Forsaken means to renounce or turn away from entirely

I have a study bible, which I love. So when I opened up to Job the “Big Idea” at the bottom of the page is titled How can I trust a God who allows suffering? Which is a hard question to answer. Trust me I have tried, I mean seriously what kind of God gives innocent children Cancer? That’s an answer I won’t get to know to tell I met God one day

In short (but really not short ha), Job was a God-following man who one day at a time lost his sheep, servants, and ten children. Job tears his clothes and shaves his head in mourning, but he still blesses God in his prayers. Satan appears in heaven again, and God grants him another chance to test Job. This time, Job is afflicted with horrible skin sores. His wife encourages him to curse God and to give up and die, but Job refuses, struggling to accept his circumstances. He mourned and cursed, but in all continued to follow God. God returns Job’s health, providing him with twice as much property as before, new children, and an extremely long life.

There is more to the story but that hits most main points. You can read the whole story in the book of Job

Job could have turned against God when He lost everything but he stood by his faith.

Jesus even questioned God in his 9th hour on the cross but still continued to follow his plan for him

Life gives us so many hard challenges, I know that firsthand. But choosing to stick with God, your faith and his plan helps you get to the other side.

I have struggled with self image issues for a long time. Specially my stomach.

Even before I have kids and I was 100 pounds soaking wet. Any time I was bloated I immediately wanted to wear bagging sweatshirts to hide my stomach.

Since having kids that made it worse. Don’t get my wrong I love my kids and I love that my body is able to create life.

But I never lost the baby weight, I don’t fit in my size 00 jeans like I did in high school. I don’t even fit in the size I did between P and H.

Not to add insult to injury but I Apparently gain weight when I’m stressed even though I’m very good at not eating 🤦🏼‍♀️ To the point I looked up just how much a tummy tuck surgery would cost, which in average by the way is $6,154

Through all of this I have been trying really hard to love myself the way I am. God once again through his word has show me many ways that I am made just the way he wants me to be!

There are 4 bible versus that stick out to me the most when it comes to how I see myself

1. Psalm 139:14 – “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
2. Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
3. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
4. 1 Samuel 16:7 – “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart

Now I may not always love myself and how I look but I know God loves me just the way I am. So that makes me what to work so much harder to love myself the way he does!

Just the way I am

A couple Sundays ago in Sunday School and at a Womens conference Last Friday they both touched on the concept of forgiveness. Without forgiving those in our lives that we need to that is creating a wall between us, God and, Relationship with him.

With that’s being said Earlier this week I wrote the 3 hardest letters I have ever written. To me though that was the most personal way for me to tell those people I forgive them.

However that does not mean I understand why they have done and continue to do those things but I forgave them.

Matthew 6:14 says “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

By forgiving those that have done us wrong we are breaking down that wall between us and God. We are also helping our own lives by breaking us free of those people.

I suggest to you, whoever it is in your life you feel called to forgive, or whoever it was that popped into your head when you read this, Yes I know your thinking of someone

Call them, send a text, write a letter

Say whatever it is you need to say to them!

Sunday we had an outdoor worship service at church with breakfast before hand.

My mom and dad were in hart of making the breakfast because Biscuits and Gravy (If you know my dad you know). Since they were cleaning up I had both the babies with me at the service.

which would have been great if I remembered coloring books and toys , and Hudson got overstimulated and tired. Which resulted in lots of crying during church from my children.

One lady (don’t worry I know her) had my daughter come sit with her and kept her entertained while I tried to get Hudson to sleep. He ended up being the only person i think that wanted Pastor Rich to talk more, he was enjoying his nap.

After the service as man I now came up to me and said something that really stuck with me. He said “I am thankful for the cries, don’t try to keep them quite on my account”

Hudson’s cries are a blessing to hear because nobody knew if they would. it also got me thinking. Even Jesus cried and that is a blessing too

There are 3 process in the scripture that mentions Jesus Wept

John 11:35 “Jesus Wept”

Luke 19:41 “And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it,”

Hebrews 5:7-9 “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him,”

Be Blessed in the cries

I have been through so many different seasons in my life, all with different things happening but it wasn’t tell recently (in the McDonald’s drive thru with my mom) that I realized something about this season

You see I’m in the hardest season of my life, being a single mom, Hudson’s cancer, a few financial things that are out of my control.

But yet this is the best season in my relationship with God. I have never felt as close, tuned in and actually hearing him like I do now.

Historically this what happened to so many people in the Bible. Job lost everything, Moses murdered, Daniel and the lions den, David and Bathsheba, Noah’s ark built on dry land are just some examples

This all were lows in there lives but so many great lessons came to them in there darkest moments all of which were done on purpose. Which in turn we get to learn from.

So even when you feel like life just flat out sucks, maybe the grass really in greener! He’s planning to use you in your darkest times.

Psalm 120:1 – “In my distress I cried to the Lord, and he heard me.”

In December Hudson and I moved into Apartment 303 on Target house, we have called this Home for the past 8 months.

It was all the first I lived on my own

Tomorrow we will walk out of our apartment for the final time, we will check out and move back home.

We have Made friends here from all over the states and the world! Each and everyone it’s a different story, a different cancer and a different life.

we have watch many church services, movies, and episodes of Bluey from the couch. Decorated for a few holidays and gave out gifts to our neighbors.

We will forever remember our time here and our Bitter sweet to leave, but we know our friendships our friends and God is with us no matter where we are.

“I am with you, and I will protect you everywhere you go.“
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:15‬a

We love our target house family and Tonight we will say a prayer for the next Target House family in Apartment 303

Hudson and I went to Gibson’s Donuts today (If you haven’t been make a must do!) Because donuts always make me feel better, while getting our donuts their was a man sitting there enjoying his coffee.

He told me that he comes everyday, sits in the same booth and drinks his coffee. After talking with him for a little bit I told him How my papa would go tot the coffee shop (summer fresh) every morning too but on Tuesdays were .59 and he would bring my brother and I a glazed donut.

As I have replayed that interaction in my head I have now realized it isn’t just because donuts taste good that they make me feel better, its also because of the man who brought me donuts.

God’s word is also referred to as “sweet as honey” maybe it can be interpreted as sweet like a donut 😉

Just like honey and donuts Gods word should make us fell better on a bad day!

“His teachings are worth more than pure gold. They are sweeter than the best honey dripping from the honeycomb.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭19:10‬

No matter how bad the day gets, what going on in the world or your life just remember God is so much sweeter

Find a verse and feel good 😊

Today I am having a bad mental day, and that’s ok they happen. So I want to talk about it.

The past scan days always had busy weeks before them, this time we have 2 appointments left this week, makes for a slow week and with a slow week comes my head running a million miles an hour.

Something that normally helps me is try to focus on something else, which I was doing. Then today what i was focusing on is being postponed (if your reading this its not your fault it happens).

None of these I can control which is why i said it ok to have bad mental days. As long as you don’t let them take over. One of my go to tips to try to get out of a bad mental place is to try to keep myself busy.

So that’s what I have been doing, while writing this post 😉

“Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do: I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me. I keep running hard toward the finish line to get the prize that is mine because God has called me through Christ Jesus to life up there in heaven.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13-14‬ ‭ERV‬‬

Press on and Keep going, even when you feel like you can’t

And except that’s it’s ok to not be ok!