Being in the same situation as so many other families its hard to get excited. The same day we found out Hudson’s tumor has shrunk enough for surgery to take it out we also learned the news of another St. Jude kid we were friends with had passed away.

It made me feel guilty for being happy about our good news. How can I be excited about being a step closer to healthy when another mom lost her baby? But at the same time Why am I not just happy for my kid? My kid is his own person, his own case.

You don’t always have to be happy. Jesus wasn’t always happy. There are 3 places it mentions Jesus crying

“Jesus wept.”
‭‭John‬ ‭11:35‬

“As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭19:41‬

“During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭

Everything happens for a reason. The sick, happy, sad and even death.

“Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.””
‭‭James‬ ‭4:15

It’s ok to have your feelings, to be sad, angry, jealous and even happy. Even Jesus felt emotion and It’s Gods will what ever happens.

Who knew that there could be more chaos inside of fighting cancer 😂 let’s just add tornado warnings to the mix.

What’s that saying? You make plans and God laughs? I mean I’m not sure I planned to be helping Hudson fight cancer and I definitely didn’t need tornado warnings

We made the best of our situation though! We all huddled in a little corner and played with Easter eggs. Even had a little photo shoot 😉

“There is no fear in love” 1 John 4:18a

With those that we love and because of the love of God we have no reason to fear. In any situation we are given.

My whole life I have gone to the same church. I have grown up there, made friends there, went in church trips with them, studied the word together.

For me growing up church is just what you did on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Should have been printed on the planner

I always new that my church family was there for me. They have supported me as a grew up

the last few months not only have they prayed with and for me, supported me, been a sounding board, and the younger kids sending card. They always put a smile on my face. But I also miss all of them.

One of the good things to come out of Covid is being able to watch church online. I am still able to worship out God with the people that continue to support me. Even from 4.5 hours away from home

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

That’s what a church family is for. So for those that are my church family reading.

Thank you 😊

And for those that need a church family. Let me know. We will get you one

So many of my friends have kids. Some of which are the same age as mine. I love watching their kids grow up and even looking back on the memories of my own.

But lately when I see the kids the same age as Hudson or even memories of my daughter the age he is now. I feel my heart break.

Seeing them talking, walking, running and there personalities exploding just reminds me of them things my son has been cheated out of.

I know. Eventually he will do all the same things they do. But he has been cheated out of a normal life, he only gets one shot at his age and he’s been cheated out of it.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness” – Genesis 1:26a

God made everyone in his image. Hudson is made exactly the way God wants him to be.

that doesn’t mean I am not going to struggle but it does mean that when I do. I can also tell myself.

He is exactly who God wants him to be 💛

144,000 minutes 2,400 hours 100 days Since we arrived at St. Jude and coincidentally it is also Tumor Surgery day.

The power of prayer I have seen the last 100, honestly more than that has been amazing.

People gathered everywhere for scans and we got good news. People have prayed for weight to be lifted off my shoulders and it helps. People have prayed all day today for surgery and his team was able to get the tumor out 🙂

I never really understood the power of prayer tell I have witnessed it first hand. I also never really understood the power of a community that is backed by love and prayer tell I witnessed it first hand. It is just an incredible thing.

The 2 versus that come to mind is

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

and

“This is the day the lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Our community has been constant in prayer, been patient with us in tribulation and rejoiced with us in hope.

I am also sure they will rejoice with us today after surgery ❤

As for the last 100 days thank you for love and support

As for surgery day Thank you for the prayers 🙂

So today was Hudson’s embolization procedure in preparation for his tumor resection tomorrow. At the consultation appointment they said “Arrive at 8am for the procedure at 8am” Hudson and I arrived at the hospital at 5:40 to get checked in for the day. At first the couldn’t fond where we were suppose to go. The once getting to the right place they tell us that we were registered as inpatient not as Same day surgery and then it is discovered a ball was dropped somewhere and he wasn’t scheduled tell later in the afternoon. You can bet I was one furious mama

So after 6.5 hours of waiting in the tiny Surgery holding room he finally got to go for his procedure.

And 5 hours later they were able to embolize one of the main blood supplies to the tumor and it should hopefully make tomorrow go much easier.

“If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.” Ephesians 4:26

When we’re angry, we can do something we might regret later or act in a way that could hurt those around us. Wait until the anger dissipates before making a decision or taking action.

Even though I was very angry it wasn’t the nurses fault or honestly anyone that was there helping Hudson, so after calming myself and making sure not to take it out on him. The feelings faded a little, I wasn’t as angry or in Mama bear mode. I was upset but not like I was going to bite someone’s head off

You can’t stay angry all day, no matter what it is.

In the words of his surgeon “Tomorrow is going to be a great day” 🙂

I recently became an ambassador for a company called She Who Is and when I placed my order I ordered a shirt with “Your Brokenness is welcome here” written in cursive on the front. At first I thought it was a cool saying until I stopped to think about it.

There is this analogy I heard once, I think from my dad that if you take 2 Baptist and a cooler of beer fishing you’ll come back with the whole cooler. Because neither one wants the other to know they drink.

So many of us have things we would rather hide from everyone. But the truth is we are all broken and we should support each other instead of worrying about hiding things from others. We need to learn to let people in and lean on one another.

The versus on the back of the shirt is “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

We are all welcome in the eyes of the Lord, so we should all be welcomed will one another.

Also for those interested in the shirt or in other apparel by the company here is my link and you can even use code “adisyngray” for 15% your order!

https://www.shewhoisapparel.com/?ref=36A9HDXaazLe

Sunny and 75 degrees. Perfect weather so we took off to the zoo. Ended up marking a mile away, took 30 mins to get inside the zoo, and then so many people we just did anything that wasn’t in a tight space. Nothing ever goes according to plan but at least we took advantage of the day off. Hudson loved the Elephants, Rhinos and The elevator ride up to the top of the hippo tank. 🙂

It got me thinking, nothing in life has obviously gone according to plan in my life, it goes according to Gods plan. I think so many of us just need to stop and take advantage of a day off. Get our head back on track and let God speak to us.

Psalm 27:14 – “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

Wait for the Lord seems hard until you actually stop and take advantage of the day.

Stop and smell the rose as people say 😉

I have always struggled with Anxiety, Depression, and constant worry. Obviously stressful situations do NOT help those feelings. One thing that always seems to help is getting my feelings out by writing, which is part of the reason for this blog. Also I have a story to tell and one that’s is just crazy enough to help others.

My mom always told me that if you are going to worry don’t pray, but of you are going to pray don’t worry. For the longest time these words gave me comfort, but now they just seem hard to achieve.

Between waiting for test results, surgery dates and serious information it seems hard to not worry and not be anxious.

Even sometimes having answers causes more questions. but can’t our faith be the same way? isn’t it that sometimes even with what we know we have more questions? Only one person knows all the answers and that’s God.

I have always thought about God’s plan for me like a book or one of those interactive story apps. He has the story line all planned out but he also gives us free choice, but he still knows all the answers.

For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20

No matter how we feel or what everything is telling us, God knows everything and we can be rest assured he will take care of us.

So try not to worry or be anxious and yes I know that is harder than it sounds 😉

When I was little. I remember staying the night at Nanas house and she would always read me this article iut if one of her books. The story was about Bethany Hamilton. The surfer that’s arm got bit off by a shark.

Then the movie soul surfer came out and I remember watching it with her.

The other day it popped up in my recommended for you on Netflix. So there I am in the hospital room watching it and I realized Nana was a very smart lady

She gave me this story for more than it being a story. To show me that no matter what life throws at me there is always a way to make it work.
God will always have a plan for you.

I have been struggling with the idea that my son having cancer is part of his plan. But I also know it’s all in Gods Timing.

The movie has a main versus which is Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Another thing the movie says is sometimes it’s hard to see Gods plan when you are to close to it. Try to get a new perspective

Sometimes it takes stepping back, regrouping, and looking from another angle to understand.

I never knew how much I needed this lesson until the other day.