PTSD 🖤

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

I am going to start this off saying if you struggle with hearing others mental illness or talking about PTSD. Best not to read this one.

Wednesday morning the kids and I slept in late. So I woke up to 5 mentioned tags on a Facebook post. A little girl from the next town over was diagnosed with Leukemia.

At the time I didn’t think much of it other than sending a message to her parents telling them how sorry I am, that we are family now, and the reach out if they need anything or just someone to talk to.

Rolled back over and went back to sleep tell my kids got up

Then later I received a text for a lady I know very well. Telling me all about the girl, her family, her school, all the major details of her life.

I started crying, then crying turned into a panic, then I struggled to breathe, I couldn’t stand, I was sitting in the kitchen floor. Alone. Having a panic.

I called me dad sobbing because I didn’t know what was happening or what to do

My dad had seen the Facebook post, saying “She is going to Memphis, That’s a good thing!” “God has got her” “Trying going outside and screaming”

It felt like that night at Cox when they told me about Hudson’s tumor. like my whole body gave out.

I was able to calm down, 100% because of my dad ❤️ but still had a bunch of emotions I didn’t know what to do with.

So I took the anger out on hamburger meat for tacos and then made cookies 😂 It kept me busy.

The next day the same lady that text me, we talked on the phone. She is the one who pointed out that’s PTSD, and another Cancer mom asked me if I had started seeing a therapist yet.

Honestly I knew both my kids had trauma from the past year in their own ways, but it never accrued to me that I would too

But saying that my head is screaming “Idiot, of course you would. Your whole world broke and changed. You have trauma”

I have been so focused on other things I never took time to see that pieces of me have been chipped. Of course I would have trauma, how could anyone that goes through childhood cancer not?

As I’m writing this it seems like I’m stating the obvious but I would have never seen the obvious without it being pointed out to me.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

God wants yours anxiety, your fear, your pain, your hurt, your depression, your guilt, your fill in the blank.

He cares for you

He loves you

He is there for you

He wants to help you.

Even during the panic, the pain, the “flash backs”

God is still there. God wants to help you

But God won’t be offended by the need for a therapist 😊

Otherwise he would call people to that career

So get the help you need.

No matter what. God will be there. 🖤