Right now I am going through something that I just can’t talk about publicly.

However I can still write without talking about it.

Jelly Roll has a new song out called I am not okay. I want you to read some of lyrics before we keep going.

“I know I can’t be the only one
Who’s holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But we’re all gonna be alright
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright”

He released this song in June of this year. With that being said I have listened to it several times. But, Yesterday when I listened to it I broke down at these words. Jelly Roll is saying exactly how I am feeling and I can’t even find the words to tell anyone how I am feeling.

Nobody ever said we have to be okay all the time. Things happen in life that we can not control but that doesn’t mean we have to be okay.

We can break down

We can be sad, angry, scared, feel alone, feel vulnerable, and be just not okay.

We have all of these emotions inside of us. Sometimes I think we have them because we can learn more by having all our emotions rather than just Happy all the time.

I mean take the move Inside out for example (yes it’s a little kids Disney movie but its good)

it is about the emotions in this little girls mind and what happens when they don’t all work together. If you haven’t watched it you should.

So for now I will feel every emotion i have in a a rotating cycle and I will keep writing because that is what I know how to do.

I want to leave you with 1 verse, when researching I found this one and it fits perfectly

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It is okay to not be okay because then Christ’s strength can work through us

I am a medical facts NERD, probably one of the main reasons I loved Human Anatomy and Physiology

Here is a fact for you

The Laminin proteins main job in the body is to hold different things together, specifically Muscle and Skin. defective laminins can cause muscles to form improperly, leading to a form of muscular dystrophy, lethal skin blistering disease (junctional epidermolysis bullosa), and/or defects of the kidney filter (nephrotic syndrome).

Also, laminins promote the invasive phenotype of cancer. The interaction of cancer cells with laminin is a key event in tumor invasion and metastasis One of the mechanisms by which laminin contributes to the metastatic spread is induction of proteolytic activity.

In English Defective laminins can cause, muscle disease like Muscular dystrophy, Skin Blisters, kidney issues and can also be one of the main reason aggressive brain and breast cancer spread (metastasis)

You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this, I promise there is a reason.

It comes down to the physical structure of Laminin, the structure of the protein that holds many of the important things in your body together.

Laminin is shaped like a cross.

God literally took his image and made it into us.

We are physically made from God’s image.

Now you may be thinking “But what about all the bad stuff?” As someone who has walked a child through Brain Cancer and the number one question on my Ask God in Heaven list being “Why do kids get cancer?”

I can tell you that being made in Gods Image and from Gods Image does NOT mean bad things won’t happen to us.

God makes us in his image so we may represent him in what we do and how we walk through our life.

God made us to be Christ Like, Faithful and to lean on him. He made us so when times our tough we rely on our faith and the Christ like people in our lives to get through it.

If we didn’t and our faith was “defective” things might fall apart and we might just not be able to get through all the hardships that life brings us.

In Genesis 2:7 It says “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.”

God literally made us from nothing and into his own image, through one creation of his into us.

We are made in the image of God, do not let your faith go “defective” and everything break apart

41 days after Hudson’s Tumor was taken out, His first MRI was done where there was no tumor in his head

41 days before we came home from Memphis was Day 1 of his last cycle of chemo.

It rained for 40 days and 40 night while Noah was on the Ark (Genesis 7:12 “And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights.”)

Moses was on the mountain for 40 days (Exodus 24:18 “Then Moses entered the cloud as he went on up the mountain. And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights.”)

Goliath taunted Israel for 40 days (1 Samuel 17:16 “For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand.”)

Jonah preached to Nineveh for 40 days (Jonah 3:4 “Jonah began by going a day’s journey into the city, proclaiming, “Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.”)

Jesus fasted and was temped for 40 days ( Matthew 4:1-2 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.)

After Jesus’s resurrection he appeared to the disciples for 40 days (Acts 1:1-3 In my former book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus began to do and to teach ² until the day he was taken up to heaven, after giving instructions through the Holy Spirit to the apostles he had chosen. ³ After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.)

Do you know what happened on day 41?

The rain stopped, the 10 commandments were revealed, David killed Goliath, God stopped his plan to destroy Nineveh, the devil fled and Jesus returned to heaven.

The good things are coming! In Gods timing

Ecclesiastes 3:1 say that “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven”

God always has the perfect time for everything, However it just might not be the timing you think it should be.

I saw someone else share about the 41 days on my Facebook and I decided to count just to see if it fit in my life anywhere. Gods timing is wild sometimes, It fit perfectly into 2 different places.

The best example which I also stated at the beginning is The start of round 6 of Chemo. I didn’t know that would be his last round, we were suppose to have 2 more rounds of chemo. But in Gods timing he went home 41 days after the beginning of Round 6. Which would be his last.

It is crazy to me how that fits into my life so perfectly, I would never have thought about it if it wasn’t for seeing that post about 41 on Facebook. Which is not a new idea, several people even have the number 41 tattooed on them to remember how the best is yet to come.

It is all in God’s Timing.

Sometimes I am completely shocked by to connections I make. In January when we went down to St. Jude for Surgery Hudson and I took a little adventure to the Peabody hotel. We had a terrible experience with a lady there who got upset that Hudson was having a meltdown. Which all resulted in us leaving and with me in complete tears. 

Well when I learned that we would be going down to Memphis on Hudson’s birthday I started reaching out to places so it could still be special for him. One of the places I reached out to was the duck master at the Peabody hotel. He told me he would love to see Hudson when we came. We made it over after appointments the day after his birthday. We get there right at time for the ducks to march home. The kids and Gammie loved watching the ducks. After spending some time In the gift shop the duck master was back in the lobby. 

Once we got over to him he was so excited to see us, he not only remembered me sending him a message but he also remembered what happened in January and told me he had a talk with the lady after we had left. he almost cried when we gave him one of Hudson’s bracelets. We took a picture with him, he told us to make sure we keep coming back and thanked us for giving it another chance. 

If it wasn’t for Hudson’s birthday I wouldn’t have even reached out. Then I would have been missing the connection I made with someone. 

Imagine if Jesus hadn’t reached out to someone because of a bad experience. How many people would he have missed out on making connections with? 

The person that comes to mind for me is the women at the well, Imagine if Jesus hadn’t talked to her just because of her background. The story teaches us that no matter what we will always have eternal life in him. no matter what. You can read this story in John 4:4–42 

But the verses that stand out the most is John 4: 11-13 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹² Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” ¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Now how about the people and opportunities you have missed out on because of a bad experience? now what if those people or experiences you jumped in and went for? Imagine the outcome! maybe its bringing someone to church with you, maybe its talking to a family member about your faith, or maybe its just being honest with yourself. All of these things can be done with a little faith 😉 see what I did there

Tomorrow I challenge you to make a connection with someone. Take the opportunity. 

Duck Master Kenon Walker of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis TN

Did you know the word Rest is mentioned in the Bible 231 in just the Old Testament?

How about that its mentioned 44 times in the New Testament?

For how many times it’s mentioned it must be important right?

This seems like a statement perfect for “Better said than done”

How many of us actually take the time to rest? I know I don’t

I don’t know when the next “Break” in our family schedule is. That’s how i deal with things is keeping myself busy

I mean this week alone we have Penelopi starting summer school, Hudsons birthday, 3 days in Memphis, come home, 5K the next morning, followed by Hudson’s birthday party.

But what I really need to be doing is taking the time to rest and spend time with the Lord.

All of the things I am doing are things I have to do but the likely hood of me then taking a day to just rest is unlikely.

God even took a day to rest

Genesis 2:2-3: “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.”

We have to remember that even with our busy schedules or when we are overwhelmed or when we just need a break to take the time to Rest like Go calls us to .

Another good verse to help us remember when can always take rest with God is Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light”

In church the other Sunday we sang a song called “Same God” and one set of lyrics stuck out to me.

The lyrics go “I may not face Goliath but I’ll face my own giants”

I have made a goal for myself to read all the Veggie Tale bible stories. I have come to realize there are some parts I didn’t know because I never stopped to read them and just went with Veggie Tales

Don’t get me wrong Veggie Tales is amazing and my kids love it. But sometimes there is so much more to the story than what I can learn from a talking Cucumber and Tomato!

I reading here is some things I learned

Here is some facts just about Goliath himself

1) Goliath was about 9 feet tall

2) Goliaths battle coat itself weighed about 121 pounds

3) The head of Goliaths spear weighed about 14.5 pounds

4) Goliath was estimated to be in his 30s or 40s

5) Goliath was believed to have had a brother and 3 sons who were also of big stature

Now can you imagine being David, David was estimated to be a pre teen. With no armor and only a stone and sling

Now we all know how the story ends and how David’s faith in God prevailed

But can you imagine that?

What if everything we faced day to day was 9 feet tall?

Luckily we aren’t fighting 9 feet tall grown men every day

But a lot of us face battles every day, some that we don’t even tell anyone.

If God can kill a man though a middle school boy and a stone, just imagine what he can do if we ask him to help us fight our battles!

I am guilty of fighting battles in silence, there are things i fight and manage every day that I don’t tell anyone, but God knows, He is right there on the battle field with me.

I am so glad he is, sometimes the battles can seem like a 9 foot tall grown man, but God helps manage them, scare them off, and even is the power behind the stone.

If you want to read David and Goliath for yourself the Reference is

1 Samuel 17

Or watch the veggie tales! It’s a good one 😉

My daughter is almost 5 and has so many questions about God and Jesus. Which is awesome as a Christian mom that is all you could want. But, at the same time, I am learning about my own faith too.

Penelopi prays anytime she thinks of something she wants to ask Jesus, then she sits there like she is waiting for a response like she is having a phone call.

She also is 100% convinced she needs to invite Jesus to her birthday party. So she asked me if she could invite him, I said sure but just know you won’t be able to see him like you can your friends at the party. Which then she responded with but he came down when he died why can’t he come down for my party? I mean she kinda has a point, I can see the thought process.

At Easter, I got from mardels easter eggs that each had a different part of the easter story in it. We got to talking about how Jesus died and she immediately goes “Mom! Did you kill Jesus?”

I say all these things just to show how easy it is to see faith through a child’s eyes. We can all see her thought process in these different situations yet we are too embarrassed to have a childlike faith. We are too busy trying to have a faith that the world will accept.

Matthew 18 1-5 says

“1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”

This statement may have shocked Jesus’ disciples because children had no status in the Jewish, Greek, and Roman cultures of the time. In the first century, children were often seen as a nuisance and had little to no rights. In Hellenistic society, (which would have been when Jesus was alive) . Roman law gave the father absolute power over his family, which extended to life and death. Children were considered to hold the lowest status in society and were worthless, valued only for their potential as future adults.

Some say that receiving the kingdom of God as a child means thoroughly humbling yourself, both spiritually and materially, standing in solidarity with those whom society has deemed “less worthy” or unimportant.

God says those of us who have childlike faith have the kingdom, to put ourselves in a position of someone society (at the time) deemed unworthy and unimportant. That is where God wants to meet us!

So ask the silly questions and grow your faith! God will be beside you

I see you and your snow covered cars

Knowing that means you haven’t left the hospital since Saturday.

I see you knowing you could be a parent of a patient or an employee that hasn’t left.

I see you and know you’re not the only one awake this early.

I see you and know you are not alone.

You are not alone.

There is an army with you

God is with you

”Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”“
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31‬:‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God will not leave you and neither will I

God says he will not leave or forsake us.

So why should we walk away from each other?

No matter the situation

No matter the pain

No matter the time frame

You are not alone

I see you!

One of the good things to come out of Covid (in my option) is Online Church.

I have wrote previously about being about being able to worship with my church family even with being 200+ miles apart https://miraclebabysmama.family.blog/2022/03/27/church-family/

However this past Sunday because of Weather we only had online church. Which works great because we are in Memphis.

Hudson is use to watch Pastor Rich on my phone or the TV and something watches but normally keeps playing.

This week he watched Jackson and sang along with me while I was singing.

Jackson sang a song that has a lot of meaning to me.

We sang this song as we walked behind the casket out of the funeral home at my Nanas funeral

I was 15 when Nana passed and I remember that moment everytime I hear the song.

To listen to Hudson sing along this week brought be to tears.

”Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.“
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭8‬:‭2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our children are the future of our faith. Bringing them up and worship makes stronger hold in our faith and against our enemies

Watching your children get excited about church and start worshipping the Lord is like watching them hit a first mile stone all over again.

All this to say Let Children worship the Lord!

Do you ever have the feeling like everything is falling into place?

Like when your doing a puzzle and all the pieces easily go together

Lately I have been feeling that way. I have been working on a project that I have been praying on for almost a year. I even had the opportunity a year ago to do this and talked myself out of it. Since then it has set heavy on my mind.

Every time I try to talk myself out of it, it has always came back to the front of my mind

A project that will (again😂) better this town

If you know my past you know my successful history of bettering this town!

So about a month ago I changed my view point from “If this ever happens” to “WHEN this happens”

And from the moment I did that all these doors have busted wide open.

Now we are at the point of the puzzle that one of the pieces fell on the floor. The last piece is missing.

I have one door that won’t seem to budge, the finances door. It’s a hard door to open.

In the Bible it talks in several places about when it feels like none of the pieces fit, about when it feel like your life is turning in a million directions

This is when you trust in God, put your full faith and commitment on God

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act. (Psalm 37:5, ESV)

God will act, it just might be in his timing

I have Faith that God will open the finance door for me. Whether it’s from someone, grants, banks loans, something will open up for me

Until then I will keep praying. And keep my focus on WHEN not IF